Choosing a therapist is a big deal, and you’re allowed to be picky.
In fact, you need to be.
Speaking as a therapist (and yes, a New York Jewish woman with opinions, warmth, and a deep respect for good boundaries), the most important thing to know is this: the relationship matters more than the resume.
Credentials matter, sure, but if you don’t feel safe, seen, and understood, it’s not the right fit. Therapy is not a process where you’re being graded or fixed; it’s a space where you can exhale.
In the past, I directed a therapy referral service at Yale where I interviewed therapists to determine if they would work ethically with clients who were looking for therapy. This uncovered a series of questions I ask when searching for my own therapist. (Yes, therapists also see therapists.)
Ask yourself these questions:
Do I want someone warm and conversational, or structured and no-nonsense? Do I want a therapist who’s culturally competent and understands my cultural background? Do I want gentle support, a bit of a challenge, or a mix of both (my personal favorite)? There’s no right answer, just your answer.
When you’re researching therapists, check out their websites thoroughly. Do they sound human? Do you like their tone? If their profile makes you feel calmer, curious, or even a little hopeful, that’s data. Trust it.
And yes, it’s okay if you care about whether they curse a little, laugh, or feel relatable. Therapy is deeply personal; your therapist doesn’t need to be a robot. Reach out to talk to them and request a free consultation.
If you resonate with their website it doesn’t necessarily mean you will be comfortable having a conversation with them. It’s important to hear their voice because that might determine that they’re either not for you or confirm that they are. I encourage people to interview more than one therapist.
It’s fine to have a few sessions and decide it’s not a match.
You can make an agreement to see them for four sessions and re-evaluate. If it doesn’t work out for you it’s ok to move on. I want you to find the right support. You are making a conscious choice to make your life better. Trust your gut, and choose carefully.
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Michelle Webber, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and life coach in California with over 25 years of experience helping teens, adults, and families navigate anxiety, depression, and relationship struggles. Through humor, mindfulness, and practical tools, she offers therapy that’s equal parts compassionate and no-nonsense. Learn more about therapy in California with Michelle. Welcoming clients of all backgrounds – LGBTQ+, straight, or any diverse, cultural background. Call now at 323-301-0083 or send a message.
